Saturday, October 01, 2005

Six degrees of me

Remember the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game? 1. Kevin Bacon sucked in Footloose with Sarah Jessica Parker, 2. Sarah Jessica Parker sucked in Sex and the City with Kim Catrall, who sucked more often, and 3. Kim Catrall didn't get to suck Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China. Thus, Kurt Russell's "Bacon Number" is 3. The University of Virginia's Bacon Oracle can connect Kurt to Kevin in 2 steps, but I think my links are more fun. You ought to get points for fun. After much consideration, I've decided I'm a full six degrees away from Kevin. Here's the connection: 1. Kevin Bacon played with Benjamin Bratt in The Woodman (2004). 2. Benjamin Bratt played with Michael Keaton in One Good Cop (1991). 3. Michael Keaton played "Himself" on three episodes of Fred Rogers' "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood" (1975). 4. Fred Rogers hosted a special episode of "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood in which he costarred with Koko, the sign language-facile gorilla (1998). Here they are in a loving pose even Bam couldn't snark: 5. Koko once attended a halloween party at the house of molecular biologist Larry Kedes. 6. Larry Kedes was my PhD thesis advisor. By this reckoning, my Bacon Number is 6. Are you surprised I had to go through an ape to get to Kevin? Even if she is a very, very intelligent ape. This isn't my lowest Bacon Number, but it is the most entertaining connection I could find. If my Bacon Number translated into something practical, such as income, status with literary agents and publishers, or ease of accumulating female groupies, then my Bacon Number would be 2. What, you don't believe me? 1. Kevin Bacon played in The Big Picture with Eddie Albert (1989). 2. Eddie Albert costarred* with Yours Truly in Green Acres (1970). You realize what this means, don't you? All of you are, at a bare minimum, only three degrees of separation away from Kevin Bacon. We can all die happy.
True Koko story: Larry Kedes knew Koko by way of a post-doc in his lab. This post-doc was, at the time, Penny Patterson's photographer and significant other. Penny is Koko's teacher and bestest friend. Anyway, Larry thought it would be a hoot to have Koko over for Halloween. She could answer the door and hand out candy, and the neighborhood kids would all figure Koko was a human in a gorilla suit. Since Penny always treated Koko as if she were a human in a gorilla suit, it all made sense, sort of. Think about it: if you wanted to invite a gorilla over to your house, wouldn't your first question be, "Where will she crap?" Brilliant ape that she is, Koko is toilet trained. Larry thought he had all his bases covered. In his plans, he unfortunately neglected one detail. Koko had never before seen a bidet. I wonder who cleaned up the mess? Koko, if you're reading this, here's how to use a bidet. D. *I'll admit my choice of verbs stretches credulity. THIS JUST IN Oh, man, this is just too good not to share. Thanks to Ishbadiddle for this link to a remixed trailer for The Shining. This is fluffing brilliant.