Thursday, September 15, 2005

Sorry, fiends

I'm feeling even less scintillant today than yesterday. Except for 45 minutes at lunch, I've been on my feet from 8:30 AM to 7 PM. Late day today, thanks to a semi-emergency which required a trip to the OR. My life isn't usually this screwy. Now I have a two-aspirin-and-sledgehammer headache and the cold is squawking, "You ain't seen nothing yet." This (and Jon Stewart) reminds me of Intelligent Design. Stewart's counter-argument was the human scrotum. (Take the most sensitive organ in the male body, and hang it out there in harms way.) Mine would be viruses. What good has a virus ever done? Bacteria have a place on this planet -- they help break down the dead stuff. But viruses? They're effing parasites, man. Proof that if there is an intelligent designer, he's a sadist. I missed dubya's speech. Karen says it was excruciatingly boring, and she couldn't believe the way the talking heads were yapping afterwards how great it was. You know what that reminds me of? The Vice Presidential debate between Geraldine Ferraro and dubya's daddy. Karen and I thought Ms. Ferraro rocked, while georgie seemed like a milquetoast weenie. Everyone else in the room (my thesis advisor and a bunch of molecular biology post-docs) thought georgie won the debate. I firmly believe that one of the main things wrong with this country is the fact that Karen and I represent the fringe, rather than the mainstream. Here's what else happened today: I've already signed up with Louisiana DHH, but I've been conflicted over whether or not I should fax my information back to the Feds. FEMA is still running the Federal relief effort, and you can imagine how much confidence I have in FEMA. Finally, I punted to my lawyer. I sent him the documents and asked him if they looked kosher. I asked him why they wanted me to sign a loyalty oath (notarized, no less!) "You're not going to like this answer," he said. "Try me." "Our government is run by fascists." I knew there was a reason I liked this guy. Anyway, he looked things over, told me none of it looked horrendous and that I'd be safe sending it in. So now the Feds have me in their system, assuming they have their act together. That would be funny, except that it is so not funny. D.


Blogger Pat said...

A loyalty oath? Isn't the "First, do no harm" oath enough? Some people, man...



9/15/2005 09:28:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Well, dubya turned away all those Cuban doctors, after all. What was he afraid of?

9/15/2005 11:40:00 PM  
Blogger Lyn Cash said...

doug, i applaud your efforts and hope they treat you right.

on the prez's talk, i had other things to do, but #1 son phoned me on his way home from work and his words were that the leader of our country seemingly came to the podium hoping he sounded like ted kennedy. said he went so far as to suggest that the poor underpriveledged in louisiana were destitute because they were poor. (scratching head) ted would never have been that dumb, though.

i think shrub and his mother have been dipping into george senior's stash of glaucoma happy weed. glaucoma my ass. the entire family has anal retinitis, can't see past their own doo-doo.

but what do i know? - lol

9/16/2005 02:36:00 AM  
Blogger Jona said...

Hope you feel better soon, Doug!

That oath business does sound odd - surely if someone was trying to assist for the wrong reasons they'd sign without conscience.

9/16/2005 02:37:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Thanks, folks. Yeah,Lyn, Karen and I think George is on drugs, too. It runs in the family. And everyone made fun of Clinton because he "didn't inhale". At least his drug of choice in office was sex, which doesn't addle your brain as much as what dubya's tooting.

Debi, I think it's paranoia. As to what they're afraid of, it is anyone's guess.

9/16/2005 08:00:00 AM  
Blogger Laura Lemm said...

But viruses? They're effing parasites, man.

No argument there. What's your position on whether they're alive or not?

Proof that if there is an intelligent designer, he's a sadist.

Not necessarily. I've always thought that for things like that, what did God not put in the world that was worse? Maybe viruses (and mosquitos) were the better of two hideous options.

9/16/2005 09:08:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Are viruses alive? No way. They have a lot more in common with computer viruses than most folks realize. You wouldn't call a computer virus 'alive', and biological viruses don't qualify, either.

Not sure how I would define life . . .

9/16/2005 11:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait... a loyalty oath??? So, in order to go help your fellow citizens, out of the goodness of your own heart, you have to swear an oath of loyalty??? WTF???

What exactly, are you swearing loyalty to (or should I say whom?)? Your lawyer is right on the money!


9/16/2005 02:52:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Hi Gari. I don't have the document in front of me, but as I recall it required I (1) defend the Constitution (against . . . erm. Uh. Against flesh-eating nutria?) and (2) agree not to strike. I'm not kidding.

I keep telling myself, "The cause is just, even if the organizing body has its head up its ass."

9/16/2005 04:00:00 PM  
Blogger Gabriele C. said...

Gute Besserung, or whatever the Yiddish varian for "get better soon" is.

9/16/2005 05:26:00 PM  
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