Saturday, November 19, 2005

Stamper's paradise

This one's for my sister. (For the rest of my readers, skim through to the end. I won't disappoint you.)
I missed her birthday this week, which I would like to say is a rare occurrence, but my memory says otherwise. I remembered to call (see? there have been worse years) but it's still rather slovenly to forget like this. I mean, she never forgets my birthday, or Jake's. I made it down to the rubber stamp store today and found her some fun stamps, but I feel I owe her some extra effort. Sis, consider this payback for missing your birthday, and for all the times when I was a kid (who, ahem, was old enough to know better) I mooned you. Was my ass hairy back then, too? Since I know how adventurous you are on the computer, I've done some work for you. Here's a list of GREAT stamper sites. The Stamper's Mall has, among many other things, a jumbo list of stamping technique tutorials and a link to the Yahoo Stamper's group, Stamper's Corner. Rubber Stamping Links is the most extensive links list I could find. You'll want to check out their LONG list of stamp companies which sell unmounted stamps, and I know you could spend hours following links from their list of personal stamper websites. They also have an active forum. Speaking of forums, you'll find an incredibly busy one at Splitcoaststampers,
"A gathering place for stampers - meet and talk with other members of the community, check out the gallery where you'll find tons of categorized samples, share your own stamping creations, catch up on the latest news, tips & techniques, or find out about upcoming events and happenings."
You probably won't think the Beyond Cards Art Gallery is as cool as I do, but check it out. I always knew defunct CDs could be put to good use. FindaStamp is an alphabetic directory of rubber stamping websites rated by users. And because this is, after all, my blog . . . Fifteen minutes into searching for pornographic rubber stamps, I began to wonder if you stampers never think about stamping the nasty. But here are some tame male nudes (work safe). Physicians use anatomical rubber stamps to help them draw diagrams of a patient's pathology; you could, if you were so minded, buy those stamps here (sorry, no pix). Onward, onward in my search for rubber stamp penises. Did you know Rasputin's penis was allegedly thirteen inches long, and is currently owned by the Russian Museum of Erotica? While you're at that site (the Museum of Hoaxes), check out this story:
Penis-Melting Zionist Robot Combs
The phrase 'penis-melting Zionist robot combs,' while not widely known, does seem to be growing in popularity. The phrase refers to a mass panic that swept through Khartoum, the capital of Sudan, in September 2003. The people of Khartoum feared that a Satanic foreigner was going around shaking hands with Sudanese men and thereby causing their penises to melt upwards inside their body. In one case a man reported that he was approached by a stranger at the market. The stranger handed him a comb and asked him to comb his hair. "When he did so, within seconds... he felt a strange sensation and discovered that he had lost his penis." The Sudanese journalist Ja'far Abbas interjected a note of scientific rationality into the growing hysteria by making this observation in his column in the Saudi daily Al-Watan:
No doubt, this comb was a laser-controlled surgical robot that penetrates the skull [and passes] to the lower body and emasculates a man!! I wanted to tell that man who fell victim to the electronic comb: 'You jackass, how can you put a comb from a man you don't know to your head, while even relatives avoid using the same comb?!' ... That man [i.e. the mysterious stranger], who, as it is claimed, is from West Africa, is an imperialist Zionist agent that was sent to prevent our people from procreating and multiplying.
Go, International Jewish Conspiracy! I love you guys. Happy belated birthday, Sis. D.

2 Comments:

Blogger Anduin said...

I thought the Beyond Cards Art Gallery was very nice. I didn't know that stamping was all that artistic, but that site was really cool.

Oh, I absolutley love the new profile pic! You've been holding out on us Doug.

11/20/2005 09:35:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Yeah, wait until my wife finds out I look like that ;o)

11/20/2005 04:40:00 PM  

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