A liberally dirty joke

Long O.R. day today, plus two trips to the ER, so I find myself short on energy, creativity, and time. Soon, I hope to write a post on this little feller, the blue poison dart frog, Dendrobates azureus. Hard to believe I've been blogging since April and I've made scarcely a mention of our frogs. Maybe later. For now, here's a joke I heard in the O.R. today. Stop me if you've heard this one. Um . . . any of you who are still in that 36%-who-still-like-George-Bush demographic might want to sit this one out.

***

George W. Bush dies and goes to hell. Given the magnitude of Dubya's iniquity, Satan himself meets him under the Abandon Hope, Yatta Yatta* archway. "George, there's no room in hell --" "Cool!" "But for you, we'll make an exception. I'm going to take you to see a few different torments. All these folks are less evil than you, so when you find someone whose place you'd like to take, just speak up, y'hear?" First, they visit Richard Nixon. "Dick has a modified Sysiphus," says Satan. They watch as Nixon pushes a large brown ball up a mountain; before the peak, he loses strength, and the ball and Nixon roll back down again. "What's that smell?" says Dubya. "All the bullshit Dick dished out during his life. Would you like to take his place? Naturally, your ball would be three times as big." "Weeell, I don't know. Bad shoulder, don't y'know. I think I better look at the next feller." Next, they visit Osama bin Laden. Two demons hold bin Laden's head under water until he has nearly drowned. At the last moment, they let him up for a few breaths of air, and then they start over again. Satan says, "They're waterboarding Osama in a pool of the tears shed by his victims' families. Naturally, your pool would be far deeper." "Nope, can't do it. You might say I'm a Texan. No water in Texas, nosirree. Couldn't stomach it." "Very well. I'm afraid you have only one other option." Satan takes Dubya to a lavishly decorated bedroom. The ceiling is mirrored, and in the center of the room is a round bed with lavender satin sheets. Bill Clinton lies spread-eagled on the bed with Monica Lewinsky kneeling between his legs, doing what she does best. "Now we're talking!" says Dubya. "I could do this for all eternity, no problem!" "Very good, sir," says Satan. "Monica, you may go now."

***

This is one of those days when I really, really hope my brother (who is, sadly, in that 36%) reads this blog. D. * All architectural structures in hell exist solely through the output of negative psychic energies known as Ralph. Hell's demons hate wasting Ralph on objects which do not inflict painful punishment. Hence the abbreviation of hell's archway, which merely told the damned what they damned well knew already.