Monday, December 19, 2005

T Lady Down

I wonder if anyone will catch the allusion in this post's title. Answer below. Before I get rolling: I've emailed my legislators. Have you? Or do you like living in a fascist dictatorship under Emperor Bush? (Non-Americans exempted . . . unless, of course, you are living in a fascist dictatorship, in which case you should write your ombudsmen, or jaegermeisters, or whatever you call 'em.) In case y'all need an explanation why I'm so upset, check out this handy dandy video. (Kudos to Agitprop -- and Blue Gal for pointing me to Agitprop.)
It's an American staple to put down fatties, but I'm telling you, you zaftigs (Gabriele, help! How do I turn zaftig into a noun and make it plural?) are lucky. If you fall on your ass, you have padding. Not so my 80-something pound wife. She fell last Thursday, and she's still in bed. Ultimately, it's all the fault of her multiple sclerosis. MS led to chemo, which killed her ovaries, which nuked her estrogen, which leached all the calcium from her bones, etc. Evil MS. She thought she'd pulled a muscle, but her recovery over the weekend left a lot to be desired. When I called her this morning, she told me she really didn't feel any better, so I rushed home (after first getting anxious as hell, which meant I had to eat several Almond Rochas), brought her to the orthopedic surgeon, and got her leg and hip X-rayed. Tarantula Lady has a pelvic fracture. The 'pod assures me it's a good fracture. Yes, of course there are good and bad fractures. It's a stable fracture, so it will heal without surgery and without any sort of weird English Patient-style full-body cast, or whatever the hell Ralph Fiennes wore in that silly uber-British movie. (My gawd, I thought I was watching The Mummy.) The 'pod even wants her to start weight-bearing ASAP. Otherwise, the osteoporosis will only get worse. Our Las Vegas trip is on perma-hold, so if you were hoping for some acid-tongued snark on the bar girls at Caesar's Palace, I'll have to go to our tribal casino instead. Karen's holding up okay. The pain meds nauseate her (thank heavens for Zofran), and it's hard for her to do just about anything. I have only one more day to work, though, and then I'm taking eleven or twelve days off. I hope she'll be back on her feet by January 2.
Trivia answer: This entry's title is a reference to the 1978 submarine movie Gray Lady Down, which starred a Chuck Heston and David Carradine. Truly Le Bad Cinema. I'm shocked IMDB has it at 5.8 out of 10 stars. Yes, I agree. Karen deserves better than this. D.


Blogger Demented M said...


So sorry to hear about the pelvic fracture, hope you have a good holiday anyways.


12/20/2005 03:08:00 AM  
Blogger Robyn said...

I'm so sorry! Karen sounds like a great lady. I hope she's off the meds long enough to get good and buzzed New Year's Eve.

12/20/2005 05:59:00 AM  
Blogger Kate R said...

Aw, geez, poor Karen! Is she allowed to get drunk at least? Sounds like it's time to haul in the eggnog and light a fire. (Don't have a fire place? Hey, that'll really liven up the holiday.)

I'm sorry life's plain crappy just now, Doug Karen and Jake.

and you're supposed to be ranting about the tax cut, too. Maybe Karen can write some of her elegant, cutting political prose about that and all the rest of it while she's lying around.

12/20/2005 06:30:00 AM  
Blogger mm said...

Poor T-Lady. I wish everyone a metre of white fluffy snow for Christmas, but I won't wish it for you. For T-Lady, I wish a snow and ice-free season.

I broke my leg a few years ago - it was also a *good* break. Yeah, well, it still hurt like hell and was inconvenient as hell.

12/20/2005 07:18:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Thanks, all of you early birds! Karen isn't much of a drinker in the first place. At Mexican restaurants, we'll occasionally split a beer or a margarita. When I had my insurance physical 7 years ago, the examiner asked me how much I drank, and I said, "Not nearly enough." Karen drinks even less than that.

We do have a fireplace -- in the bedroom! But Karen says it makes the room too hot. Weird MS factoid: heat makes MS worse (temporarily).

Kate, I haven't even been paying attention to the tax bill, between stuff at home and me getting irate over the whole NSA thing, and thinking At last, this HAS to get the public's attention, and realizing I'm probably wrong.

12/20/2005 08:20:00 AM  
Blogger mm said...

We aren't early birds, we're just Eastern birds.

This morning I read that you Americans consider Canadians to be your "slightly retarded cousins", and that we're getting "too big for our britches".

Can I assume it wasn't you who wrote that?

12/20/2005 08:22:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Good lord, Maureen, you think I would write that?

Heaven forbid I ever use an unnecessary adverb.

12/20/2005 08:31:00 AM  
Blogger mm said...


Okay, that was funny.

12/20/2005 08:56:00 AM  
Blogger Jona said...

Sorry to hear about Karen. I hope she recovers quickly to enjoy the holday time with you and Jake.

12/20/2005 09:05:00 AM  
Blogger Gabriele C. said...

Ouch, poor Karin. Send her my best wishes.

12/20/2005 09:54:00 AM  
Blogger Gabriele C. said...

Karen - dang typo demon.

12/20/2005 09:55:00 AM  
Blogger Pat Kirby said...

Yeesh. You're poor wife. Good thoughts, Karma, prayers [insert appropriate belief system] her way.

>Tarantula Lady has a pelvic fracture. The 'pod assures me it's a good fracture. Yes, of course there are good and bad fractures. It's a stable fracture, so it will heal without surgery

Okay, this fascinated me. Three years ago Nikster the Wonder Horse propelled me into space. When I hit ground, something bad happened in the vicinity of my hip joint.

I don't have health insurance, so emergency room visits don't happen unless guts are on the ground. (And doctor phobic anyway.) I have no idea what was damaged, but I couldn't walk for weeks and running was out for months.
I wondered if something broke. But I always thought any kind of break in the area wouldn't heal without surgery. Interesting.

Anyway, enough Me, Me, Me.

My best to your wife.

12/21/2005 08:27:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Thanks, folks. I'm passing on all your good wishes.

She hasn't tested out the works this AM yet, but last night, she was able to walk to the bathroom. Ah, the wonder of narcotics.

12/21/2005 10:42:00 AM  
Blogger Blue Gal said...

She is in my thoughts, as are you. Sorry to be absent, I'm on the west coast now and computer-free at home.

12/22/2005 04:44:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Thanks, blue gal. Are you anywhere close to the California-Oregon border?

12/22/2005 07:08:00 PM  

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