Okay, be honest: how often do you google yourself? I suppose I have a gargantuan ego, but it's a house built two stories too high, with umpteen code violations, termites in all the major supporting posts, and a cracked foundation. Thus, I think I've only googled myself a handful of times, and only to find out how easy it would be for old friends to find me. Because, you know, I want to be found. Google Douglas Hoffman, and top dude on this list is this Maui photographer. (Now, why couldn't I have thought of that? Sigh.) That Doug also takes the number two spot, and number three is a software guy. Of the next seven entries on page one, I have three. Okay -- so if my old pals google Douglas Hoffman, they shouldn't have much trouble finding me. Google Doug Hoffman, and the top dude is this race car driver. Okay, I'm glad I'm not that Doug Hoffman, even though I'll bet he has lots of groupies. Groupies are a Good Thing. Anyway, further down the list we see lots and lots of Doug Hoffmans that aren't me, including this really cool artist's website (check it out!) I show up near the bottom of page two, and again near the top of page three. Even if my old pals are googling Doug Hoffman, they would have to have an exceptionally tiny degree of resolve to miss me. I have to conclude that none of my old pals are looking for me. (Well, one of my friends from high school found me through this blog, and I've been bad about getting back in touch with him. I realized I didn't have much to say to him, and couldn't work up the desire to call.) I've decided I need to be more proactive. I'm going to hope some of you folks are out there googling yourselves. You'll find your way to this post, and then you'll stop in and say hi. Here are the folks I'd like to hear from: Sharon Albright. Best circulating nurse ever. Sorry, Sutter Coast nurses, it had to be said. When you see a nurse respond to gunshot wound after gunshot wound quickly, efficiently, without ever breaking a sweat, you build up a lot of respect. Besides that, Sharon Albright and I go way back to kindergarten. Old friends don't get any older than that. Jackie Smith. Remembering how you looked in 9th grade, I'll bet you became one hawt adult. Jackie falls under the category of Exceptionally Beautiful Girls Who Were Nice To Me And Didn't Have To Be. Lilli Sznaper. My on again, off again crush, Seventh through Ninth Grades. I'd like to know that you're okay. Sue Youmans. I never got you back for this, but it's never too late to try. Lest you think I only miss the women, here are the guys I'd like to hear from. My elementary school friends: Dan Baudino, Frank Howarth, and Jim Fonte. Even though I sucked at sports, and they were all about sports, they still liked me. My best friend from junior high and ninth grade, Bob Dean. We lost touch soon after I changed high schools. I hope you're doing well, Bob. Mike Imlay -- did you ever become a priest? Fellow scholars Brian Oherin and Kevin Wolf. Brian Oherin and I took informal Russian lessons from Mr. Grindell. Kevin Wolf and I go way back to kindergarten. I know you became a podiatrist, but I don't know much more than that. If I've forgotten anyone, I'm sorry. (But you won't find this post by googling your name, so there!) In case you have trouble remembering me, I used to be this guy: D. PS: I'm taking down the Michelle Malkin post. No one has complained. It's just . . . oh, heavens. She is too hideous to look at. Every time I pop open my blog and see her there, it makes me sick. I have to take it down.