Sunday, January 15, 2006

Name dropping

Okay, be honest: how often do you google yourself? I suppose I have a gargantuan ego, but it's a house built two stories too high, with umpteen code violations, termites in all the major supporting posts, and a cracked foundation. Thus, I think I've only googled myself a handful of times, and only to find out how easy it would be for old friends to find me. Because, you know, I want to be found. Google Douglas Hoffman, and top dude on this list is this Maui photographer. (Now, why couldn't I have thought of that? Sigh.) That Doug also takes the number two spot, and number three is a software guy. Of the next seven entries on page one, I have three. Okay -- so if my old pals google Douglas Hoffman, they shouldn't have much trouble finding me. Google Doug Hoffman, and the top dude is this race car driver. Okay, I'm glad I'm not that Doug Hoffman, even though I'll bet he has lots of groupies. Groupies are a Good Thing. Anyway, further down the list we see lots and lots of Doug Hoffmans that aren't me, including this really cool artist's website (check it out!) I show up near the bottom of page two, and again near the top of page three. Even if my old pals are googling Doug Hoffman, they would have to have an exceptionally tiny degree of resolve to miss me. I have to conclude that none of my old pals are looking for me. (Well, one of my friends from high school found me through this blog, and I've been bad about getting back in touch with him. I realized I didn't have much to say to him, and couldn't work up the desire to call.) I've decided I need to be more proactive. I'm going to hope some of you folks are out there googling yourselves. You'll find your way to this post, and then you'll stop in and say hi. Here are the folks I'd like to hear from: Sharon Albright. Best circulating nurse ever. Sorry, Sutter Coast nurses, it had to be said. When you see a nurse respond to gunshot wound after gunshot wound quickly, efficiently, without ever breaking a sweat, you build up a lot of respect. Besides that, Sharon Albright and I go way back to kindergarten. Old friends don't get any older than that. Jackie Smith. Remembering how you looked in 9th grade, I'll bet you became one hawt adult. Jackie falls under the category of Exceptionally Beautiful Girls Who Were Nice To Me And Didn't Have To Be. Lilli Sznaper. My on again, off again crush, Seventh through Ninth Grades. I'd like to know that you're okay. Sue Youmans. I never got you back for this, but it's never too late to try. Lest you think I only miss the women, here are the guys I'd like to hear from. My elementary school friends: Dan Baudino, Frank Howarth, and Jim Fonte. Even though I sucked at sports, and they were all about sports, they still liked me. My best friend from junior high and ninth grade, Bob Dean. We lost touch soon after I changed high schools. I hope you're doing well, Bob. Mike Imlay -- did you ever become a priest? Fellow scholars Brian Oherin and Kevin Wolf. Brian Oherin and I took informal Russian lessons from Mr. Grindell. Kevin Wolf and I go way back to kindergarten. I know you became a podiatrist, but I don't know much more than that. If I've forgotten anyone, I'm sorry. (But you won't find this post by googling your name, so there!) In case you have trouble remembering me, I used to be this guy: D. PS: I'm taking down the Michelle Malkin post. No one has complained. It's just . . . oh, heavens. She is too hideous to look at. Every time I pop open my blog and see her there, it makes me sick. I have to take it down.


Blogger mm said...

Is Lilli Sznapper her real name, or did they have hooker name generators back then, too?

1/15/2006 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Now, that's just plain mean, Maureen. Hah! Mean Maureen. So that's what those initials stand for.

1/15/2006 02:21:00 PM  
Anonymous ROF said...

Thank you very much for removing Michelle Malkin's face in her several guises -- even if they were a bit enhanced. It was very difficult to open Balls & Walnuts , much easier now.

What an interesting tactic -- I suppose you googled all their names & came up w/ blanks? Doh! For the men, anyway, & the women on the off chance . . . . ?

1/15/2006 03:43:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

I agree. The woman is hideous, and by making her more hideous, I was taking my chances with the fundamental fabric of the universe. Hopefully, I got it off the web in time to avert disaster of galactic proportions.


As for my friends, I haven't had much luck with any of 'em, unfortunately.

1/15/2006 06:29:00 PM  
Blogger Shelbi said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/15/2006 09:02:00 PM  
Blogger Shelbi said...

Sorry, the delete was me. I commented on the wrong entry.

I googled myself [it was the first time, honestly!] and I got nuttin'. I tried my married name and my maiden name, and there was nothing.

At all.

I think I might be depressed about it.

Okay, not really, but then I decided to google 'Shelblog' and I got bunches that were all about me. There was one in a different language that was definitely not me [alls I know is English, and that, only marginally] And a couple of others, but mostly, it was just me.

So I feel better about myself.

1/15/2006 09:11:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Shelbi, if you use your real name in your blogs and other web pages, as I do, your name will soon soar to the top. This also means that when the government decides to round up dissenting voices, I'm fair game. (Mind you, there will be tens of thousands -- if not more -- who are higher up on Big Brother's priority list.)

1/15/2006 09:34:00 PM  
Blogger Jim Donahue said...

By running a Google search, I was able to piece together a biography of myself that surprised even me:

1/16/2006 06:58:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Interesting post, Jim. (I'll have to larn ya how to embed a URL in a blogger-friendly manner, though.) Anyway, seems you've had a far more interesting virtual life than I. Doug Hoffman, Speed Racer though -- that's not too bad!

1/16/2006 09:07:00 AM  
Blogger Shelbi said...

Actually, what I meant by 'nuttin' was that apparantly there isn't another person with my first and last name in the whole United States!

I looked in an online phone book for other people with the same name, and there was only me.

Which is a little freaky. If I ever become a household name [har har] I'll definitely need an unlisted number!

For now, though, I think I made a wise decision when I decided to just use my first name on my blog. There are some scary people out there [present company excluded, of course;-)] and I don't want to put my family at risk, you know?

And I'm horribly jealous at your embedding abilities [I mean links!] I experimented over at my blog, and got it to link to my mainpage, but I can't get it to link to the individual posts. Is that normal?

Shelbi~the HTML reject~[hangs head in shame]

1/16/2006 07:19:00 PM  
Blogger Anduin said...

I Googled my maiden name and found me. When I was a junior in high school I was involved with writing a book from essays we wrote in our English class. Because of that I am a published author. I found my book when I Googled my name.

1/17/2006 06:14:00 AM  
Blogger Darla said...

Well, this is cool. Under both my married name and my maiden name, the first entries are me. Unless I put quotation marks around my name, then I disappear. WTF?

It was rather surprising, though, to find so many people with my name. I'm used to being unusual. Hmmph.

1/17/2006 09:21:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Anduin: Hmph. We didn't have the Internet when I went to high school. You are soooo young ;o)

Darla, I'm not sure how the quotation marks change anything. For what it's worth, you're not the first Darla I've known -- I met one back in 1980. I've also known a Dara . . . and don't forget Daria, the animated character from MTV (I think?)

1/17/2006 07:32:00 PM  

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