Somehow, Aziz's words sound much better when Snoop Dogg sez 'em
From Jurassic Pork, who got it from Blue Gal, meet Gizoogle, a translator which will turn any web page into Dogg-speak. My little frog has this to say, post-translation: No, you may not breed wit me, so stiznop dippin'. Remember yesterday's bit on the Guardian Unlimited Books' Bad Sex in Fiction Award? Here's a translated excerpt:
***Wizzle is it `bout sex tizzle drives such respected authors as Jiznohn Updike*, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, n Salman Rushdie ta tha absolute pits of literary whiffydom? Read tha Guardian Unlimited article n savor tha rizzay odor of truly bad weed-smokin'. Sorry, Daisy, I know yo piece won mah contest, but it shouldn't have. It was far too wizzle written. Takes one of tha pimp entries: The Olive Rappa by Christine Aziz (Macmillan) We made our way ta tha summerhizouse n hid in its shadows with the S-N-double-O-P. We lay on tha coo` floor n I twined mah legs around Rappa body, blunt-rollin' him like a hunta hang'n on ta its prey. He made love ta me wit his finga n I came in tha palm of his hand. He stroked mah breasts n nizzle. "Don't wizzle it away" he said. "I want ta be able ta smizzay you tonight." Like a playa hang'n on ta its prey? And what's wit tha funky punctuation ("Don't W-to-tha-izzash it away" he said.)? My high schoo` AP English motherfucka would hizzle red-lined me ta hell n B-to-tha-izzack . You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. As fo` content -- eeew. You wouldn't repeat this ta yo bizzle friend, would you? For M-to-tha-izzost people, this would qualify as too M-to-tha-izzuch 411 . If you wouldn't tizzell it ta yo bizzy friend, why would you share it wit yo reada?
****Jiznohn Updike -- that's my favorite, considering the Updike's winning entry ;o) D.