Grow a pair (or buy one)
Meet the neuticle. No, this is not a Bertie Botts Jelly Bean*, but you are welcome to eat one, if you'd like. Here are some recipes. It's the "NeuticlesNatural," to be exact, which is "FDA medically-approved solid silicone. Not gel filled or saline filled but a soft solid rubber-like material that replicates the pets testicle in firmness once implanted." (Um . . . who, exactly, is checking their dog's balls for firmness?) Neuticles came to my attention when the inventor of neuticles, Gregg A. Miller, won the 2005 IgNobel Prize for Medicine. Fake dog balls (and kitty balls) have made the rounds of the blogosphere of late, including this rather longish but interesting discussion at Pandagon, regarding men so nervous about their own manhood that they won't get their dogs neutered. I think Pandagon is right. The good folks at Neuticles would like you to believe that a new pair of rubber cojones will help your neuteree's self-esteem, but whose self-esteem is in jeopardy here? I'm reminded of one of cultural anthropology's more notorious treatises, Clifford Geertz's "Deep Play: Notes on the Balinese Cockfight." I read it in college, and one line has stuck with me to this day (and thank heavens for the web, cuz my memory would have mangled it): To anyone who has been in Bali any length of time, the deep psychological identification of Balinese men with their cocks is unmistakable. The double entendre here is deliberate. It works in exactly the same way in Balinese as it does in English, even to producing the same tired jokes, strained puns, and uninventive obscenities. Bateson and Mead have even suggested that, in line with the Balinese conception of the body as a set of separately animated parts, cocks are viewed as detachable, self-operating penises, ambulant genitals with a life of their own. Which brings me to the core question of tonight's post: what are the ambulant genitals of the 21st Century? I really don't know. I'm just askin'. D. *My advice? When eating Bertie Botts Jelly Beans, stay away from Vomit.