Wednesday, October 19, 2005

What kind of Muffin are you?

You are a Cartoon Muffin! You are a Cartoon Muffin! You have a great sense of humour and a quirky way of looking at things. We always think you are joking, but we're never quite sure. What kind of muffin are you? brought to you by Quizilla Be forewarned: if you read all possible responses to the questions, I can't vouch for the safety of your keyboard. Vomit, you know. Bad for delicate electronics. One of these days when I have nothing but oodles of time on my hands, I'm going to author my own Quizilla quiz. The possibilities are endless. What kind of heathen are you? Or: What deadly sin are you? Or, my favorite: What kind of sexually transmitted disease are you? What do you think? In preparation for Discovery Health Channel's airing of that H.P. Lovecraft classic, The Duggar Horror -- ah, excuse me, I mean 14 Children and Pregnant Again, I have put up a link to my Muffin Saga under This Week's Favorites. We're watching it Right The Fuck Now. And oh. My. God. Is it ever cutesy-pie.
I learned something fascinating from our town's Red Cross director (at least, I think he's our director; we weren't introduced). He was deployed to Louisiana for the Katrina disaster. He told us lots of fun stories (like the one about the sheriff who hijacked a Red Cross food shipment at gunpoint, only to be arrested for theft hours later), but here's the interesting bit: Louisiana didn't give out any temporary licensures to out-of-state volunteer physicans, nor did FEMA. WTF??? Over thirty thousand docs signed up to volunteer. Did the State or Federal governments make use of any of these volunteers? I asked him if there were enough local physicians to cover the need. His response: "What local physicians?" Go figure. We need national licensure for physicians. If that's too radical, we need some way to cut the bullshit red tape that keeps volunteers from volunteering. This is ridiculous. D.


Blogger Kate R said...

I read this and thought of you. "Who are you to think it's wrong . . .??"

Almost as funny as your take on the monstrosity of the duggars. .

10/19/2005 06:01:00 PM  
Blogger Kate R said...

final lines:
Ah, but this is America, yes? People should be allowed to do whatever the hell they want with their families if they can afford it and if it's within the law and so long as they aren't gay or deviant or happily flouting Good Christian Values, right? Shouldn't they? Hell, gay couples still can't openly adopt a baby in most states (they either lie, or one adopts and the other must apply as "co-parent"), but Michelle Duggar can pop out 16 kids and no one says, oh my freaking God, stop it, stop it now, you thoughtless, selfish, baby-drunk people.

No, no one says that. That would be mean.

10/19/2005 06:02:00 PM  
Blogger mm said...

I am a Mystery Muffin! No one knows what I am. I don't even know what I am.

10/19/2005 06:29:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Kate, thanks for the link. Sounds like my kind of writer.

Maureen, I always figured you'd be a blueberry muffin. (Almost said bran muffin, but I'm not in a mean enough mood tonight.)

10/19/2005 06:54:00 PM  
Blogger Pat said...

It seems I'm a Mystery Muffin. Go figger.

No one knows what you are. YOU don't even know what you are.

I win again! I think.

10/19/2005 07:46:00 PM  
Anonymous fiveandfour said...

It said I'm an Apple Worm muffin. What the heck is that supposed to mean?!

I'm a bit cranky because I intended to watch The Duggars in all their child-rearing glory tonight, but I forgot to set the timer and I got home too late. I see a new special is going to air in the spring, and I'd like to see it, so no doubt I'll figure out some way to miss that one, too :).

10/20/2005 12:33:00 AM  
Blogger Jona said...

I'm a Mystery Muffin too, there seems to be a lot of us ;o)

10/20/2005 01:49:00 AM  
Blogger Darla said...

Huh. I'm not a muffin, I'm a cupcake.
I think I'm offended.

10/20/2005 04:42:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Be grateful, all you mystery muffins & cupcakes & even fiveandfour, the apple worm muffin. If you answer all of the questions "correctly", you get:

You are a Prairie Muffin! You love God and you love your home, and you are determined to do it all Right. Have you read your manifesto yet? Do a google search for Prairie Muffin Manifesto, if you haven't.

10/20/2005 07:56:00 AM  
Blogger mm said...

I had to go back and answer *correctly* to see if you were telling the truth.


10/20/2005 09:21:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Maureen, I can't make up sh*t like that. This would be my version:

You are a Drone Muffin! If you ever had an original thought, which is highly unlikely, you would consider 'thinking' unholy and unsuited to your role as Walking Vagina. You let your husband do all the 'thinking' for the household, since that is his God-given role, and besides, the last time you tried to do any of your own 'thinking' he beat you so badly you were cross-eyed for days, and, now that you 'think' about it, your teeth still don't meet correctly.

10/20/2005 10:07:00 AM  

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