Thursday, September 08, 2005


I'm floating along on pre-call nerves, the jitters I used to feel on the night before a surgical admitting call day. If my buddy Bruce is out there reading this, he knows what I'm talking about. For the rest of you, let me see if I can describe it a bit better. You know you're untouchable for one last night. Sure, tomorrow will be hell, but you might as well kick back and enjoy your freedom while you have it. Except you can't, because you know how bad it'll be. Once call starts, it's not as bad as you thought it would be. You're busy as hell, so busy you don't have time to feel much of anything. But that pre-call anticipation is a bitch. I hadn't heard anything from Louisiana DHH today, so I called the number on Otter's blog. The woman there directed me to some sort of odd locum tenens website, so I bailed on that. Instead, I went to this cheerful Federal DHHS site and filled out their form. Now, I wait. Here's the fun stuff (not) from that site: They really need coroners, medical examiners, dental forensic experts, and morticians. In case the volunteer has any unrealistic expectations, they state:

**Please be advised that individuals must be healthy enough to function under field conditions.

This may include all or some of the following:

12 hour shifts Austere conditions (possibly no showers, housing in tents) No air conditioning Long periods of standing Sleep accommodations on bed roll Military ready to eat meals Portable toilets

Hmm. Sounds like surgical internship without the 36-hour call shifts. I can do that.


Question to you technologically savvy folks (Pat, I know you can help me here): if this actually happens, I want to keep blogging. How can I do this? Assume that I can't take my laptop and have no ready access to electricity. Please don't tell me I have to text message from my cell phone.

Yeah, Kate, I probably ought to ask Otter how he does it, huh?


My three-year-old female patient has a thing for boogers. Insert finger into nose, transfer to mouth, repeat. I could have set my watch to it.

"Why do you want to do that?" I said. "There are much better things in the world to eat. Oh, like pretzels, for example. Do you like pretzels?"

She nods.

"Aren't pretzels tastier than boogers?"

She shakes her head.

My logical train of thought just derailed.


OMIGOD. Karen just pointed me towards this post on Steve's blog. Get a load of the photo. Oh holy sheee-it. Karen's comment, "Oh, don't get so upset. He probably just ate a poodle." Yeah, that's my wife. Don't dare suggest, "He probably just munched a few spiders." Oh, no.


Blogger Beth said...

If you can make a phone call, you can audioblog. It's a free service of Blogger. I signed up for it but have never used it. You just call a phone number and leave a message, and then it'll publish to your blog as an audio file. Here's the FAQ.

It's (likely) a long distance call, but take a cell and/or a prepaid phone card and you're good to go.

If you want to publish typings instead of talkings, I don't have an easy answer - except text messaging a whole blog entry (ICK).

And thank you for what you're doing. It's wonderful. You're wonderful for doing it.

9/08/2005 06:24:00 PM  
Blogger amanda m. said...

Doug, see your previous entry and my latest response for some of the blogging delimma, but you could upgrade to a TREO and then you have phone/psuedo-laptop in one.
You can blog using it. I've blogged using my palm T3. It's not too bad. better than tapping it into the phone, but not as good as laptop.

Good luck. I'll be sending thoughts and good thinking your way.

9/08/2005 07:12:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Of course you realize, I'm going to feel and look like a total dumb-fuck jerk-off douche bag if they never call me. I'll be forced to make up a blog-in-the-field. I will be my own Lieutenant Kije.

Thanks, both of you, for the advice. Audio blogger looks way cool. I need to find out what a TREO is, but if it means I'll have to learn some crappy Palm Pilotesque short hand, I'm audio bloggin'.

By the way, you two. Before you go overboard about how wonderful I am, consider this: every time I see your photos, I think, "Jeez, why can't they put up real photos? It's damned difficult fantasizing about a coffee cup and a three-year-old girl."

Still think I'm wonderful, Beth?

9/08/2005 07:40:00 PM  
Blogger Tarantula Lady said...

Spider blood isn't red. Jeez, doesn't everyone know that? ;) It's a clear yellow.

9/08/2005 09:36:00 PM  
Blogger amanda m. said...

sometimes the flickr java rotates in a photo of me. just hit refresh.
yes a treo is palm based, but it's got a built-in keyboard. you can surf the web, send and receive email, take pictures. a few of my friends have them and love them as they have to carry only it and not a phone, camera, and PDA.

9/09/2005 02:57:00 AM  
Blogger mm said...

I spent yesterday starting then deleting responses to your last post. The thing is, you have something to offer people who are in desperate need, and the possibility that some opportunistic jerks might make a photo-op out of it shouldn't even hit your radar. You'll be doing a very good thing. They won't.

Just be careful if and when you go.

9/09/2005 02:57:00 AM  
Blogger amanda m. said...

oh, my profile pic won't rotate.
ummm. i'll fix that when i get back on monday.

9/09/2005 02:57:00 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

First, you will NOT look like a total dumbfuck jerk-off if they don't call. You'd look like a total dumbfuck jerk-off if you said you were going to volunteer, but then DIDN'T. That would be completely lame.

Second, of course you're still wonderful. Horniness doesn't cancel out wonderfulness; if it did, I'd have few friends. And anyway, I AM pretty much a 3 yr old. I did post a pic of my hair and part of my face a while back, though - I look about the same, aside from the pigtails.

9/09/2005 05:14:00 AM  
Blogger Jona said...

You will not look like a douche bag if they don't call! What you're volunteering to do, is enough to make you wonderful. If they can't find a use for you - then hopefully it means there's TOO MANY good people volunteering! So there, Mr Wonderful!

9/09/2005 06:59:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Thanks y'all. I think Karen urged me to blog on this so I wouldn't get cold feet ;o)

I'm going to go visit the Audioblog FAQ now. See if I can give you guys your dirty joke for the day.

9/09/2005 07:36:00 AM  
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