Anticipation

I'm floating along on pre-call nerves, the jitters I used to feel on the night before a surgical admitting call day. If my buddy Bruce is out there reading this, he knows what I'm talking about. For the rest of you, let me see if I can describe it a bit better. You know you're untouchable for one last night. Sure, tomorrow will be hell, but you might as well kick back and enjoy your freedom while you have it. Except you can't, because you know how bad it'll be. Once call starts, it's not as bad as you thought it would be. You're busy as hell, so busy you don't have time to feel much of anything. But that pre-call anticipation is a bitch. I hadn't heard anything from Louisiana DHH today, so I called the number on Otter's blog. The woman there directed me to some sort of odd locum tenens website, so I bailed on that. Instead, I went to this cheerful Federal DHHS site and filled out their form. Now, I wait. Here's the fun stuff (not) from that site: They really need coroners, medical examiners, dental forensic experts, and morticians. In case the volunteer has any unrealistic expectations, they state:

**Please be advised that individuals must be healthy enough to function under field conditions.

This may include all or some of the following:

12 hour shifts Austere conditions (possibly no showers, housing in tents) No air conditioning Long periods of standing Sleep accommodations on bed roll Military ready to eat meals Portable toilets

Hmm. Sounds like surgical internship without the 36-hour call shifts. I can do that.

***

Question to you technologically savvy folks (Pat, I know you can help me here): if this actually happens, I want to keep blogging. How can I do this? Assume that I can't take my laptop and have no ready access to electricity. Please don't tell me I have to text message from my cell phone.

Yeah, Kate, I probably ought to ask Otter how he does it, huh?

***

My three-year-old female patient has a thing for boogers. Insert finger into nose, transfer to mouth, repeat. I could have set my watch to it.

"Why do you want to do that?" I said. "There are much better things in the world to eat. Oh, like pretzels, for example. Do you like pretzels?"

She nods.

"Aren't pretzels tastier than boogers?"

She shakes her head.

My logical train of thought just derailed.

D.

OMIGOD. Karen just pointed me towards this post on Steve's blog. Get a load of the photo. Oh holy sheee-it. Karen's comment, "Oh, don't get so upset. He probably just ate a poodle." Yeah, that's my wife. Don't dare suggest, "He probably just munched a few spiders." Oh, no.