Thursday, October 27, 2005

Ends and odds

First the ends, For my Republican friends, And now the freakin' odds. For we're moving this weekend (What a pain in the rear end!) Not lounging like lazy old sods. Yes, we're changing our digs We'll be squealing like pigs Cuz that's how much we love U-Haul. That's a lie actually I drive trucks into trees And low-slung concrete garage walls.* Karen's learned from experience To keep me at a distance From lifting and driving and sharp stuff.** What I do best is opine And occasionally whine While the movers do all the hard puff-puff. Our first home we've remodelled But we must have been addled To think we could do it on budget. No countertops or floor covers Bathrooms still ugly buggers And yet we're near broke. Oh, fudge it! It tires me to the bone To abandon this home Even if it's to go to one better. Only one silver lining -- Stopping most of my whining -- We left all of our really good porn there. D. *Karen swears I have driven trucks without crashing them into concrete beams or tree branches, but I have no memory of such successes. **Once, while unpacking, I shaved off half a fingertip on broken glass. Ever hear the saying, "Humans have no memory for pain"? Bullcrap. I remember every second of that experience. My favorite part: the way every last paramedic and nurse had to unwrap my finger to look at the damages. That hurt.


Blogger THIS! Christine said...

Oh, cry me a river. I'm still living under construction, and probably will be for another 5 years, no matter what the Y chromosome assures.


10/27/2005 10:55:00 PM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Eh, you don't know what a slob I am. The lack of countertops and floor covers is an effin disaster. We'll be able to look at the floor and map out the entire last year's menu. What did we have for Karen's birthday? Look! There's some of it by the back door!

10/27/2005 11:44:00 PM  
Blogger Jona said...

Good luck, Doug, and for some reason it pleases me immensely to know you’re a slob at heart (and it means I can invite you to my house anytime ;o))

10/28/2005 05:00:00 AM  
Blogger Daisy Dexter Dobbs said...

Oh, moving is such a royal pain! I hate everything about it, from the packing to the unpacking and everything in between. Worst of all is having to keep the house pristinely clean while it’s on the market (and having complete strangers tramp through it, judging our little domain). Ugh. Of course, those brief, elusive periods of my Super-Sanitized-Suzy-Homemaker-ish behavior are when my husband loves me best. LOL

I’m a packrat and when we moved across the country from Chicago to Portland OR a few years ago the majority of our whopping bill from the movers was because of all the “precious junque” that I simply couldn’t part with, like the hundreds of books in my collection (very heavy). I was not my husband’s favorite person for a while after that expensive little fiasco, which left us deep in debt. :-0

Loved your poem, Doug. Best of luck on your move, and much happiness in your new home!

10/28/2005 07:45:00 AM  
Blogger Anduin said...

Moving is a pain in the arse, but at least you have a moving crew to help.

Liked the poem too, very funny.

my word verification: poted

10/28/2005 08:48:00 AM  
Blogger Douglas Hoffman said...

Thanks, everyone. Tonight I'm getting a bit tipsy to celebrate Fitzmas. Woo-hoo! The dogs are dead.

(No, I won't get drunk -- I despise the sensation. Two glasses of wine will do me just fine.)

10/28/2005 11:40:00 AM  

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